Dear Ada,
It’s been a little while since I last wrote to you – so much has changed! But today, I’d like to tell you about one night this week.
On this night, for whatever reason, you were pretty tired and threw a bit of a tantrum before bed time. Daddy was categorically not to read your bedtime story (sorry babe!) – it absolutely had to be Mummy. Fine, we resolved that issue.
Then, it absolutely, definitely, for sure, was not time to get into bed; even though you were falling asleep as I dried you after your bath. So I unceremoniously plonked you into bed and tried to read “With my Daddy” – ironically, your chosen book of the evening. Nope. Did not compute. Was not happening. You began to diva-scream like a banshee who’d stubbed her toe. And I started to feel frustrated. I wanted my dinner, and time with Daddy, and a chance to read my book.
But then I looked at your little wobbly lip, and listened when you asked for me – not to go downstairs, or to play or to watch television – but just for your Mummy. And so I asked if you’d like a cuddle before you went to bed. You clambered out of bed, snuggled in, and promptly fell asleep on me. And I felt honoured and grateful.
We do our best not to spoil you too much and to make sure that when you do get treats, you understand the (non material) value and worth of those gifts and say thank you. And the same is true with behaviour – we don’t pander to your terrible twos but instead try to talk to you and explain why our ‘unfair’ behaviour is, in fact, very fair. We tell you off when you’re rude and make sure you are kind and caring to others. But when a tantrum is based purely on the need for one of us, I don’t see us agreeing with you as “giving in”, but as being what you need.
You are developing and growing and learning every moment of every day and night. Frankly, it must be bloody terrifying at times! Is it any wonder that now and then, in a darkened room as you try to process your day and rest your weary little head, you just want a cuddle from your mum or dad?
And as for our frustration when the tantrums hit their peak, I realised last night that as you grow and become the amazing human I can already see the beginnings of; you won’t want our cuddles as often. You’ll find new coping mechanisms and networks. You’ll become stronger and more resilient and more emotionally intelligent about your world and the wider universe and life and love and everything. You’ll always need your mum and dad (I still need mine and I’m 35!), but you won’t climb into our laps and snuggle in before bedtime. Your cuddles and insistence that you be carried (when you can walk perfectly well) and constant need to hold my hand and drag me away from conversations will not last forever.
And so I wanted to say thank you, my darling girl. Thank you for teaching Mummy’s frantic brain and anxious heart to just…calm. Thank you for giving me an incentive to let the world carry on spinning while I stood still and enjoyed being with you. Thank you for needing me, and loving me, and letting me be a part of your hilarious, eccentric, loving little world.
I love you millions and billions, and Daddy loves you 3000*
Mummy xxxx
*Please let him read you a story every now and then? He’s getting a complex!
Family, feminism and frustrations 