Tag Archives: life

Dear baby…

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Dear baby…

Dear baby,

We’ve been so scared, your Mummy and Daddy. Last year was sad for us and you have been so very precious from the moment we found out about you.

Every milestone has felt like a huge achievement – you’re already the thing we’re most proud of and the most valuable thing in our lives. Mummy is a big worrier anyway, and she’s lost sleep, cried, refused to get excited (don’t be offended please, Mummy was just trying to be brave). She’s been the opposite of her normal self – so pessimistic and cautious. But now, halfway through your stay in Mummy’s tummy, we’re slowly letting ourselves smile and mean it. We’re talking about names, thinking about what we need to buy for you, how to decorate your room. You’ve become a part of us – you’ll make our family of two (plus Archer, your fur sibling), a family of three.

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But there are a couple of things you need to remember to help Mummy and Daddy be brave:

  1. Keep growing – get big and strong and ready for this big bad world you’re joining. Stay healthy and safe in there.
  2. Take care of Mummy – your kicks and roly-polys are already starting to provide reassurance to Mummy. It’s your way of saying ‘Hi there guys!’ and it’s  brilliant.
  3. You are not a rainbow baby – some people might talk about you as if you are. You are not. We will always be a little bit sad about what happened before you took root and decided to make Mummy your home. But it has nothing to do with you. From the moment we first saw that little nugget on the screen all those months ago, you started a whole new chapter for Mummy and Daddy, and we love you for it. Your job is not to fix us, your job is to simply be wonderful, beautiful you.

We can’t wait to meet you, to get to know you. We know we’ll be tired and grumpy and that it’s going to be hard work getting used to you, but you’re going to be worth every second.

All our love, already and always,

Mummy and Daddy xxx

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Celebrating soulmates

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Celebrating soulmates

It’s a popular notion that a soulmate has to be something romantic. And often it is, but I don’t think that’s always the case. Additionally, I don’t think we have just one soulmate, I think we have a few.

The Ancient Greeks got this, I reckon that’s why they had 6 words for love. It’s ‘philia’ or deep friendship that I’m talking about here.philiaWhat is a soulmate?

For me, a soulmate, for whom you feel ‘philia’, is someone who just gets you. With them there’s no judgement.

Wherever you are with them it’s a safe haven – what’s said to a soulmate stays with a soulmate.

You can rant and rave your heart out about your colleagues/family/in-laws and they know you just need to rant. They don’t judge you or call you names for it, they let you vent. You can act weird and while they might call you out on it, they accept your weirdness (some of them might even out-weird you).

Their advice is honest, frank and fair. It isn’t always what you want to hear but it doesn’t hurt to hear it. They deliver it with compassion, understanding and often a good dollop of humour.

Even on the days when you feel like nothing can make things better,

your time with them is like the tightest bear hug.

You leave feeling like a weight has lifted, life makes more sense and you can face another day.

My soulmates

For me, my husband is absolutely one of my soulmates but that’s not based on our romantic connection, it’s based on our friendship and mutual respect and understanding. He tells me when I’m headed down the wrong path. He backs me up when I’ve been wronged and helps me respond with dignity (instead of like a crazy banshee); and he supports my dreams and aspirations. With him,

I’ve never felt small, or insignificant, or worthless. I’ve just felt loved.

These are the reasons why he’s my soulmate. (Throw in the fact that I fancy the pants off him, that I love him beyond ‘philia’, and that he’s the only person I want to see when I wake up and when I fall asleep; et voila, one husband!)

Read through the things I’ve said about my husband above (before the husband-specific stuff)  –  I bet the people who spring to mind aren’t necessarily romantic partners or interests.

This year has really highlighted to me who my soulmates are. They’re people whom I feel completely comfortable around. People who have never been the root of any anxiety attack or worry. People who tell me it like it is, but with kindness; leaving me safe in the knowledge that they’re not going away to talk about me or hurt me. They’ve watched me cry, listened, understood when my pain has made me unreasonable but gently steered me away from saying anything to hurt my loved ones or myself. They’ve talked me through my options and helped me heal myself.

It’s like going to the GP but without the 10 minute appointment limit and cold stethoscope.

Instead they’ve just helped me uncover the answers I already had.

I guess my point is this – when you’re hurting, or confused, or need a sounding board; remember the incredible resource you have in your soulmates. Don’t take for granted how valuable they are and don’t think that just because you’re in a long term relationship, you can only rely on your partner. If you’re fortunate enough to have an awesome partner AND one or two incredible soulmates, you’ve got all you need.

Moving pains

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Moving pains

So the radio silence is down to us moving. Yep, we’ve decided to up sticks and leave Essex-land to move to Kent. It’s a return to the homeland for me, but a new and slightly intimidating experience for my hubby – who now has the joy of experiencing Southeastern trains every day (sorry in advance for that – remember how much you love me!).

It was a joint decision, and something we’ve talked about for a couple of years. The big move is tomorrow, but in the meantime there are a few things I’ve learned, now that I’m a house move veteran (three times in nine years):

1) Everyone has their Barcalounger
For those of you who have somehow avoided watching Friends, Chandler’s Barcalounger is a point of contention when he moves in with Monica. It doesn’t go with anything, and yet he insists on keeping it. He argues that the apartment is their together-home so he has the right to give it his own special touch.

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Fine in principle, but so annoying if you’ve spent hours carefully choosing furniture and décor. Unfortunately, we all have our Barcalounger. For me, it’s far too many photographs. I can’t bring myself to throw them out, and too many end up on display. He puts up with it and in return I allow the sports related framed shirts/autographs/tickets and boxes of game programmes.

2) You will end up with a bits and bobs box
I don’t care how OCD and super-organised you are about packing, you’ll still end up with a bizarre assortment of articles that just got forgotten somehow. Our final box contains a porcelain cake stand, a hen party tiara and veil, a brand new bedding set, some throw cushions, and a box of paper samples. It’s like Ready Steady Cook for Blue Peter-esque craft activities.

3) You’ll pack something you need
I left out teabags (decaff for me, normal for him), milk, a teaspoon and the kettle for our morning cuppa on moving day. Then I remembered I’d already packed the mugs.

4) You’ll overspend
A new home means a whole new look. That means lamps, rugs, ornaments, shelving, cupboards and cushions will suddenly seem really exciting. You’ll pause and stare longingly at a bathroom bin that’s exactly the right shade of green and comes with a matching toilet brush (true story – we’re collecting it tonight). Home furnishings and accessories will replace clothing, shoes and holidays as your most searched online shopping items. You’ll also undoubtedly move in and realise you didn’t need all of it, and spend weeks paying it off.

For now, I have to log off, collect keys, drop off the first few boxes and pack up the last few items (and the bits and bobs box) at our old place. There’s no place like home!