Tag Archives: emotions

The final countdown

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So we’re really here. 38 weeks pregnant and our little one could arrive any day. 2 more days at work before maternity leave, and 2 weeks until that magical due date.

It’s a weird old time. I thought I’d be veering wildly between ‘so excited I can’t sleep’ and ‘so terrified I can’t breathe’. But actually, it’s a bit more complicated than that.

I’m sad. After months of anxiety at the beginning, in the last 10 weeks or so I’ve finally learned to love my bump and to be excited about this pregnancy. Just in time to not be pregnant anymore. Now, I know that the whole point of pregnancy is to have that little bundle at the end – and I know that’s going to be brilliant; but nonetheless I’m going to be sad not to be pregnant. We’re really not sure if we’ll do it again, for reasons of our own, so it’s possible that this is the last time I’ll experience pregnancy. Me and the bump have had a unique bond that (selfishly) I’ve thoroughly enjoyed. Like a secret club of two, with clandestine nighttime meetings and secret handshakes (well, maybe not handshakes but definitely bum wiggles and kicks). I’ve enjoyed our little journey so I’m letting myself feel sad so I can say goodbye to the bump before the next stage.

I’m worried. This baby will change everything – not just practically but for us as a couple. I know we’re tough enough to weather the change. I know we love each other enough (yuk, vom, I know) to make sure we communicate and stay in love, and make time for each other. But nonetheless, we won’t be the same. Spontaneity is going to be harder for a while – no more last minute trips to the pub. We can’t be as selfish with our time – it’s not all about us anymore as a twosome, but about our family of three. And yes, practically we will be tired, we will find it hard to be on time and to see everyone we want to and to function and to get all those niggly jobs around the house done.

I’m excited. I can’t wait to see if we’re having a boy or a girl. Just imagining if the baby has my husband’s eyes, or my nose, and what their personality develops into gets my heart pumping and makes me all emotional. We. Are. Having. A. Baby. It’s like a self-belief mantra I have to repeat. A teeny tiny part of me still doesn’t quite believe it’s going to happen and when I realise it is, I can barely contain myself!

I’m actually not that scared. Physically, this baby is coming out of me. One way or another it (and I) doesn’t have a choice. So I don’t see any reason to be scared. I can’t keep it in there (nor would I want to), and no matter what happens it’s going to hurt. But I’m going to have great care, from great midwives, and great support from my husband and my mum. In the grand scheme of my (hopefully) long and happy life, a day or two of pain with such a wonderful outcome is completely worth it.

So there we are. Depending how long this baby wants to cook, the next blog post might well be a birth announcement. In the meantime, rest and relaxation are the order of the day with a few lunches with friends thrown in for good measure. Bring it on baby, we’re ready for you!

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I wish I was a tamagotchi

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So I guess you’re getting pretty sick of me forgetting you. Abandonment issues? Misdirected anger? Natural disposition to ignore me? I get it. I’m sorry. I’m back. My wedding year has kicked off all of a sudden and blogging slipped down my list. Won’t happen again, I promise.

Anyhow, back to my point. During the course of the last few weeks I’ve had a couple of ups and downs. You know when you just wake up in a less-than-stellar mood with no idea what triggered it?

Back to the 90s
Well that’s why I’d like to be a tamagotchi. Remember tamagotchis? Little keyring sized electronic ‘pets’ that took over the world in the 90s? If you don’t remember, go Google – they were pretty cool actually. Pets for the people who couldn’t afford or couldn’t care for real ones.

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Whenever they need anything, the tamagotchis flash up a symbol or behaviour to let you know what they’re after. A frustrated face with ‘whiffs’ around it means it needs the loo, a sad face with tears means it’s sad, an angry face means you’ve somehow pissed off your pretend alien pet. Bad owner. And of course there are symbols for hunger, tiredness, and needing to play.

Tamagotchi me up!
While having a moment of general crappiness the other week, I realised that life would be much better if humans did that. And not just easier in terms of gauging others, but easier in terms of better understanding ourselves.

How many times have you ‘got out of the wrong side of bed’ without any idea why then spent the day analysing it? Or misdiagnosed thirst with hunger and eaten your weight in mini-eggs? (No? Just me then. I love Easter).

How much easier would it be if you could check your symbols? Just imagine: “Feeling off kilter and not sure what’s up – aaah that makes sense I’m sad and need praise” “I’m on a wedding diet and shouldn’t eat that 6-pack of hot cross buns but it looks so good. Thank you internal screening process, I’m actually thirsty. Hand me that orange squash.”

All good?
With the advent of Google Glass, and apps that can track our friends’ and/or partners’ whereabouts (weird and scary), maybe this kind of technology isn’t all that futuristic. But there would be a down side.

Our vast range of emotions and ability to reflect them and use them is what makes us so brilliant. For example, those days when you’re on your way to work with a long day full of meetings ahead and yet you’re inexplicably in a brilliant mood. Do you really want your ‘symbols’ telling you that your happiness is due to the right chemical balance and the fact that you’re a work geek? I’d imagine that would deflate your balloon of happiness, so to speak (not to mention getting in the way of you getting your geek on and being productive).

So I’ve come to this conclusion: mystery is actually a big part of being human. It keeps us on our toes and makes life interesting. If we had the ability to diagnose every mood and feeling, life would be cold and clinical. There’d be no variety. We’d be robots. We’d be Big Bang Theory’s Sheldon – sends shivers down your spine, doesn’t it?!

Let’s embrace the madness! Let’s be sad, happy, spontaneous, organised, in love, heartbroken, excited, deflated, forlorn and friendly. As the old cliche goes, variety is the spice of life – let’s throw the whole spice rack in.